Guest Post on Girlology! Body Image & Self Acceptance: Advice from a Teen to Moms

Last month I was given the wonderful opportunity to guest blog on Girlology! 

"Whether you’re a tween, teen, or adult, learning to love who we are inside and out can be a difficult task. Especially when we are being bombarded with misleading images in the media. We constantly feel the need to compare ourselves to others and strive to be thinner, smaller, firmer, etc. So how do we stop it?


There is no definitive way to stop the beauty industry and media from portraying un-realistic images and ways of living, but what you can do is learn how to view it differently, and how to talk to your daughters about it"....(read full article)

Back To School: Be Yourself!

Be yourself, embrace your flaws, and hold your head high! You, yes YOU are beautiful inside and out. Now go have an awesome first day of school :)

Guest Blogger: Melisa Holmes MD, Co-Founder of Girlology!

Melisa Holmes, MD and Co-Founder of Girlology, gives you the 411 on growing up and adjusting to 'The Teen Body Morph'!

Adjusting to The Teen Body Morph

 It’s understandable that you can spend way too much time thinking, worrying and wondering about your body – especially as a teen.  You are bombarded with artificial images of how others think you should look.  You are overloaded with information from your friends, the internet, and even strangers.  And you have your own frustrations with whatever body part doesn’t seem to be cooperating with your fashion plan for the day.  And just when you thought you were finished with the awkwardness of puberty, and beginning to accept the “new you,” something else morphs.

One thing that can help you handle continued changes is knowing what’s normal and what to expect.  So, here’s a little list of lowdown tips on the uptop, the down-there, and the in between parts of your body as it adjusts and changes through your teen years. 

Your Height: Most of your height is determined by the time you start your period. After your period starts, you can expect to grow another 1-3 inches, and most of that will occur in your spine.
Your shoe size: By the time your period starts, your feet are pretty much finished growing! That means a nice pair of shoes will last you a lot longer since you won’t be outgrowing them!

Your Breasts: No matter how old you were when your breasts blossomed, they will continue to change shape and grow up until age 17 or 18. And if they are a little lopsided, that’s actually very normal.

Your Bras:  It’s important to make sure you wear bras that fit well. Let a “professional bra fitter” help you in a department store.  She can show you what matters in a bra fit. With a bra that fits, you’ll feel more comfortable, look better, and even lessen the stretch marks that can occur on breasts when they are growing the fastest.

Your skin: Acne seems to peak for most girls a year or two after they start their periods.  The best treatment is washing regularly with soap and water, drinking plenty of water, and getting exercise to increase the blood circulation to your face (increased blood circulation helps bring oxygen and healthy nutrients to your skin).  Over the counter soaps, creams and lotions with benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid can improve acne, but start with the lowest strength to avoid excessive redness and peeling.  If that isn’t working, see your doctor.
 
Your stretch marks: Most girls will get some stretch marks during puberty. They start out as purplish red streaks and most commonly show up on the breasts and hips. Whether you get them or not depends a lot on whether other family members have had them in the past and how fast you are growing.  There aren’t any great treatments to make them go away, but they will definitely fade to a natural skin color over time.
 
Your Hips: You’ll find that your overall body shape changes the most during your teen years.  Your hips get wider, you get a waist, and you’ll take on some curves and new body fat – it’s what your body is programmed to do. Keep your body in great shape with exercise and healthy foods, and remember that curves are normal.

Your Unwanted Hair: Whether it is on your face, around your nipples, creeping onto your upper thighs or sprouting somewhere else, unwanted hair is one thing that’s pretty easy to control.  Plucking or mini-shavers work great on the upper lip and other facial hair (and no, you won’t grow a stubbly mustache), waxing is great but can be expensive unless you learn to do it at home.  Dipilatory creams work but can irritate sensitive skin.  Shaving is easy and cheap, but requires frequent repetition. Trying different methods is the best way to find what works for you.  If you are having a hard time keeping up with your hair removal and growing more and more hair on your face, chest or upper back, talk with your doctor.  It might signal a medical condition.

Your Period: Once you start your period (which should be by age 16), it can be unpredictable for the first few cycles, but it should start to show a pattern. Keep your period marked on a calendar and figure out your cycle length each month: count the number of days from the first day of one period to the first day of the next period.  That number should be between 21 and 45 days.  If it is longer than 45 days for several cycles, or if it is ever more than 90 days, you should let your doctor know.

Your Cramps:  Did you notice that you didn’t have very painful period cramps when you first started, but then after a year or so, they got worse?  That’s actually normal.  For many girls, cramps set in about 2-3 years after their period starts.  Your cramps should be controlled by over the counter medications.  Mild exercise can also help.  If you are missing school or skipping your favorite activities because of cramps, talk with your doctor.  There are other treatments that work well.
  
Your Style: Learning to love your new body with all its new curviness takes some time, and even some practice.  Make the effort to find a style that works for your body shape.  Remember that normal is really what you see in your English class or at a basketball game, not in fashion magazines or on TV. Understand that girls with curves are normal, and enjoy your new shape by finding a style that looks great and best represents you!

Your Brain: Don’t forget that your brain is actually growing and “hardwiring” skills during your teen years and up into your early twenties.  In your teens, you are able to think deeply and compassionately, and understand complex ideas.  Take good care of your growing brain by staying healthy and practicing things you’ll need it to do in the future, like making good decisions, thinking about consequences before you try something risky, and communicating your ideas and opinions.

With all these changes, no wonder there’s a lot to wonder about!  For more detailed information on any of the topics above, and for other great advice from Dr. Melisa Holmes and Dr. Trish Hutchison, founders of Girlology, visit www.girlology.com or check out one of their books for teen girls.  Girlology’s There’s Something New About You (for girls 8-12); Girlology: A Girl’s Guide to Stuff that Matters (for girls 12 and up); and Girlology: Hang Ups, Hook Ups & Holding Out for teens.

Rising Above The Media's Influence

Constantly as teens, and even as adults, we are being bombarded with billboards, magazines, and tv shows that portray flawless skin, never a hair going in the wrong direction, and size 00 waists. Therefore, we want to live up to these standards and look just like the people we look up to in these magazines and on tv shows. But the truth is, NO ONE actually looks like this without hours spent on hair and makeup, and days spent photo enhancing. Now unless you have a magic Photoshop tool that allows you to do this in daily life, achieving the image you see in magazines is impossible :)

At the same time of being bombarded with flawless looks, we are being given a false image that sex, drugs, and alcohol are encouraged and ok. Not a day goes by that a celeb isn't plastered on the front of a magazine, or on the homepage of the internet for doing something illegal, and very few tv shows portray the real repercussions of our actions for smoking, drinking, or having sex as a teen.

So what can we do to make a change? Well we obviously can't and have no way to stop the photo enhancing and what is on tv, but what we CAN do is not let it affect us. Not give into to the peer pressure to look like unrealistic sized models, or the pressure to drink and have sex at a young age.

Next time you see a model in a magazine, try and imagine what you think they might really look like without the photo enhancement. It's not to say that we should all stop watching tv and/or reading magazines because we all have our guilty pleasures right? ;) But instead of letting it influence how you think you should look or act, don't give into the false image! Don't let anything, or anyone, influence you to be anything other than who you want to be.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."  ~Judy Garland

Guest Blogger: Teen author Becca Wertheim!

Teen author Becca Wertheim offers self-esteem tips from her new book,
Live High on Life™ for Teens!

Post written by Becca Wertheim

For my seventh birthday, I was given my very first journal as a gift from my aunt. I began writing in it on that day (November 27, 1998 to be exact, haha) and I have kept a journal ever since. Journaling had always been the best way for me to express myself. I’d write about everything; from what I did that day, to which boy I had a crush on, to what my dreams were for the future. If I thought it, I wrote it down, and it always felt SO good to just let all my feelings, opinions, and ideas out on paper. I found journaling to come in really handy when I went to middle school.

In sixth grade, just like in most cities, different elementary schools merged together to form one middle school. With so many different people coming together, the drama and gossip began. It was bad—especially with girls. So many people would talk behind each others’ backs, or make fun of the way others looked, or would pick on people for being “different.” Just like many other girls my age, I had to deal with a few mean girls and immature boys. Some people in my school didn’t realize how just one small comment could be incredibly hurtful to someone else. I would write in my journal almost every night, and it made me feel a lot better. I liked how my journal didn’t judge me, and it didn’t talk back—it was just there, and I could say whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to.  But it wasn’t just me who was affected by the immature bullying and unnecessary hurtful comments; in fact, I had it extremely easy compared to some of my peers.

Seeing my friends and peers have to deal with gossip, drama, and bullying, I began realizing that it was completely immature and totally wrong! The drama and gossip continued all throughout middle school and high school, but it was a realization that came to me in 8th grade that made me decide that I would never contribute to hurting or putting someone else down! I knew what it was like to feel as if I wasn’t good enough, or wasn’t pretty enough, so I didn’t want to be the cause of someone else feeling that way. I found a quote that said “Life isn’t about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself.” That really hit me, because I was like, “Hey, this is my life—no one else’s, and I’m going to be the person that I want to be. I’m the one who’s in control of my life. I’m going to love myself, and be kind to the people around me; I’m going to be the best person I can be.” I made a promise that I would stop putting myself down, and that I would be happy with who I was—no matter what anyone around me said or thought. (You have to be happy with yourself before you can be totally happy with your life!)

I also promised that I would do my best to avoid being sucked into the gossip. I stopped talking about people behind their backs, didn’t participate in the gossip, and stuck up for people who were being picked on. This was totally win-win, because it made me feel better about myself, and I wasn’t contributing to the hurtful words and actions of others.

Then, when I was 16 years old, during my junior year of high school, I was reading something from my journal out loud to my aunt (the same aunt who bought me my first journal). It was an entry I’d written on what I felt were the easiest ways to get through the hard parts of growing up. I talked about self-esteem, and respect for others, and about living your life for yourself, rather than trying to live up to the expectations of others. It was then that my aunt suggested that I share my words with other teens. Ironically, at the end of that entry, I had written, “P.S.- I would love to write a book for teens someday!” When she saw that, she flat out told me that I should do it. At first, I told her that I wasn’t sure if it would work, and that it would be really hard to do. But she encouraged me, and believed in me, and I began to think that I would actually be able to accomplish it. 

So, I got straight to work and began writing what is now Live High on Life™ for Teens: 12 Simple Ways to Make the Most of Your Teenage Years, which will be out in December! Writing it was far from easy, but it was worth every single minute, because I want to help remind teens like you that you’re awesome just the way you are! We don’t have to listen to the negative things that other people say, and we don’t have to change who we are for anyone else. We’re given the choice to live our life the way WE want to, so why not do that? And why not make the most of it? 

The book covers topics such as loving yourself, building self-esteem, keeping a positive attitude, dealing with relationships, living a healthy lifestyle, being a “green-teen,” setting goals, dreaming big, never giving up, and more! The book also includes awesome motivational quotes, and several inspiring stories from teens just like you! It’s super unique, because it’s written by a teen—for teens! 

To give you an exclusive sneak peak of some tips from the book, I’ve included 3 ways to become a more confident girl today! These tips are sure to work, so if you start today and stick with them, you’ll be well on your way to being totally happy with who you are.

Self-Esteem Tip # 1- Go an entire day without thinking anything negative about yourself!
For some people, it may be a piece of cake, but for others, it’s not so easy. But even if you think you can’t do this, do it anyway. Anytime a negative comment tries to sneak its way in, knock it out with something positive. You can even make a list of all the things that you like about yourself. Write them in your journal, and if you don’t have a journal, consider getting one! I promise they’re amazing. When you get through an entire day with no negative thinking, you’re off to a great start! Do the same thing the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and, well, you get the point. In less than a month, all your positive thinking will become a habit, and you’ll be full of self-esteem!


Self-Esteem Tip # 2- Stop comparing your looks to others! You’re beautiful the way you are! Yes, I know, we’re all guilty of this one at some point or another. (Even guys compare themselves to each other!) I think it’s just human nature. And in our day and time, we’re surrounded and bombarded with media—all day, every day. As if our peers aren’t enough for comparison, we feel the need to compare ourselves to actors on TV, and models in magazines, too. Of course it’s important to feel beautiful, but it’s important to remember that you’re beautiful just by being YOU. You don’t have to compare yourself to the people in the media. Remember, they have things they wish they could change, too! No one is perfect, so don’t feel like you have to be. You’re unique, and that’s SO awesome, because there is no one else on earth that looks like you. So embrace yourself, love yourself, and be happy and confident with the beautiful person that you are! 

Self-Esteem Tip # 3- Be a Trend Setter!
It’s awesome to be a trend setter when it comes to fashion (just like the fabulous Ms.Dani California), but this time, I’m actually not referring to fashion. By “be a trend setter” I mean “be a leader.” So often at our age, bullying and gossip happen all around us. We witness it, but are we doing our part to help? If you hear or see someone being picked on, be a leader— stand up for them. Or, if you’re not comfortable enough to do that, change the topic of conversation, tell an adult that you’ve seen someone be bullied, or make a promise to yourself that you won’t contribute to hurting someone else. When we do good things for others, it also makes us feel so good about ourselves and boosts our self-esteem! And if you’re the person being bullied, don’t be afraid to tell someone. Remember, no one deserves to deal with bullying, and that includes you! You’re soooo much better than that, so never let someone else’s negativity change the opinion you have of yourself. 

Our teenage years are supposed to be the best years of our life! They may not always be easy, but with self-esteem, they’re sure a lot more enjoyable. Become a more confident girl today by making a promise to yourself that you won’t let the words, opinions, or actions of others break the relationship you have with yourself. 

Many more tips can be found in Chapter 1: Loving Yourself First and all throughout the book! 

To pre-order the book today, visit www.livehighonlife.com! You can also become a fan at www.facebook.com/livehighonlife, check out the blog at www.beccawertheim.blogspot.com and follow me on twitter @BeccaWertheim

Keep dreaming big!


XOXO,

Becca Wertheim

Respect, Replenish, Refresh

From the time we are little we are taught the word RESPECT. My elementary school even had an entire week dedicated to this word. During that week, and throughout life, we are taught to respect others, peers, friends and family members and this is heavily enforced. What isn't as heavily enforced or talked about as much though, is that it's just as important to respect yourself and your body, as it is to respect others!

Photo credit: Getty Images

Respecting your body means treating it responsibly, talking kindly to it, meeting it's needs, listening to it, and taking good care of it. Sadly and not surprisingly, most are more willing to treat their dogs with more respect than themselves; you take them for walks, feed them, bathe them, and talk kind to them. Would you ever imagine telling your dog that they are "fat" or that you "don't like the shape of their arms or legs"? (Paws in this case? You get my point) Of course not so why would you say this to yourself?

Take the time to nourish, replenish, and refresh your body. Exercise, eat healthy, and take time for yourself! Here are a few suggestions to things you can do to take care of yourself and fulfill your "me time" :)

• Exercise (Did you know that when doing any strenuous exercise such as running, your brain releases chemicals called endorphins which can block sensations of pain and produce overall feelings of euphoria?) 

• Take a bubble bath

• Write in a journal

• Meditate

• Eat healthy (Stock your pantry and fridge with healthy meals and snacks that you can look forward to eating!)

• Listen to, or create, a happy playlist filled with songs with motivating and upbeat lyrics

• Read a good book (Sometimes an escape to a different place is just what you may need!)

Whether you choose to do some of these things, all of these things, or none of these things, remember that you are beautiful inside and out and you deserve to be taken care of by yourself and by others!


"Never violate the sacredness of your individual self-respect."  ~Theodore Parker

"Respecting yourself means listening to your body and emotions continuously.  Then acting beyond a linear logic to achieve ones goals."  ~Author Unknown 

Self Esteem & Confidence Tips

It’s easy to lose confidence in yourself or get low self esteem sometimes, but here are some tips that can help!

Make a “happy” playlist:
Make a playlist of your favorite songs that make you happy. Try and choose songs that have encouraging lyrics! When your having a down day turn on this playlist! Try not to listen to depressing songs all the time either, this puts you in a down mood.

Make a compliment list:
Make a list of all of the things you like about yourself, then tape it or hang it up somewhere that you will see it everyday! The best place to hang it is somewhere that you will see it before leaving your house for school in the morning (The bathroom mirror is actually a great place!)

Compliments instead of insults!
Replace personal insults with compliments or one of the things from you list ^^. Sometimes it becomes a habit to insult yourself without realizing your doing it. Try and break the habit by replacing any insults with a compliment or something you like about yourself!

Don’t doubt you who are
Always stay true to who you are and don’t doubt that. Don’t second guess who you are based on what others think!

Hang out with good people
Hang out with people that make you feel good about yourself and compliment you. Don’t waste your time on those who make you feel bad or make you lose confidence in yourself!

Take care of YOU
Remember to take care of yourself, and sometimes a little pampering doesn’t hurt! ;) Take bubble baths, eat chocolate occasionally, wear lotion that smells good, write in a journal, etc!